even when I numb myself

Uff. Kva er det å seia?

At det er haust ute? Bekmørkt og surkaldt? ... At det har vore ein sånn dag på jobb - og at jobbedagen framleis varer? ... At eg framleis svever i uvissa om ein jobb eg har søkt på, og at det ikkje er noko godt teikn? ... At eg lengtar langt vekk, og allereie no, i september!, kjenner at eg ikkje har hatt sommarferie? ... At eg seier og gjer idiotiske ting, er hårsår og kjip og sur og lei, og skyv dei som er dumsnille nok til å bry seg endå lenger vekk?

that I would be good even if I did nothing
that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down
that I would be good if I got and stayed sick
that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt
that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth
that I would be great if I was no longer queen
that I would be grand if I was not all knowing

that I would be loved even when I numb myself
that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed
that I would be loved even when I was fuming
that I would be good even if I was clingy

that I would be good even if I lost sanity
that I would be good
whether with or without you


At eg er så uendeleg utilstrekkeleg.
Og at det er det aller verste.